Rulebook

We are true to ourselves when we speak our truth. We are alive rather than dreaming. Worthy of respect and love and admiration. We inspire others to act, inspire others to speak their truth and to discover who they really are. We discover who we really are.

But.

The Tiger roars at anybody whose Rule 2 Rulebook tells them not to speak their truth! And that is most people. The Tiger will tell us to please others, to confirm, to “go with the flow”, “not to rock the boat”, to be “nice”.  And we mask this with intellectual rationalizations. We should respect all (but not ourselves?) we should go with the give and take of life (of course, but are you giving too much?)

We don’t need to fuel controversy wherever we go. That is not speaking our truth. That is being scratchy and intolerant of others. But we do need to respect ourselves. Speak your truth.

Sat Nam.

A flight last week was looking good as I buckled up at Heathrow. A window seat with extra legroom (not exactly essential for me – but a nice bonus nonetheless), the middle seat free, a new book to start and a daylight, cloud free view of the Alps in around an hour’s time.

Then he arrived. He bent himself in half to avoid the overhead lockers and when he dropped clumsily into his seat, the aisle passenger and I both left our cushions for a moment. As he struggled to attach the buckle of his seatbelt, his elbow hit me first in the eye and then in the chest. He seemed completely unaware of the contact until I said “careful!” and he smiled and apologised.

I settled into the book and ordered a sparkling water from the trolley. Ice, lemon and fizzing water arrived in my lap two short minutes later. A chest scratch had been required by my neighbour. The elbow was on the move again. For a flashing moment I was shocked and angry.

My friend looked horrified and apologised again. I replied that it was my fault. And I wasn’t being “English”. I meant it. The unfair anger had already gone. He had given me plenty of information about who he was, physically, and how hard it was for him to fit into the space allocated to him. I had ignored the messages and left the water on “his” side of my tray. My fault.

We cannot control others or expect them to change to suit us or our “Rulebook”. Or even to suit the carefully guarded border of the elbow rest on a plane.

An iced crotch was a small price for a good reminder of this – and of the fact that I should leave extra legroom seats for those who really need them in future!

Jim.

A belated Happy New Year to all of our loyal blogees from me, and a big thank you to Blaire and Marc, our guest bloggers during my absence, for doing such a great job. I’ll tell you more about Blaire and Marc in my next post.

Despite having written Rule 5 into the Ten Rules for Taming Tigers, I hate asking for help. Which is odd, really, as I have never been disappointed when I have asked for assistance.

In December I had to ask for help. Serious help. And the universe, my friends and my family answered as one. Everything is now back in even better order than it was before, thank heavens. It was a big reminder to me that I am not alone and there is little of any real merit that I can achieve alone. “No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.”

Rule 5 stresses this idea (The tools for Taming Tigers are all around you) but perhaps for most of us the barrier is a Rule 2 thing. Challenging the Rulebook that keeps us safe from taking a little risk. The rule in our personal Rulebook that states that we’ll be rejected or thought less of if we need help. Our personal rule that says we cannot show vulnerability, we have to maintain our veneer of perfection at all costs. Or our rule that reminds us that others are busy and we are probably not important enough.

So here’s a thought. Do something scary today. Try an honest request for help with the thing that you’d most like to resolve. You may be very surprised at the result.

And a big thank you from me to strangers (now friends), friends and family who helped.

Here’s to a connected 2010!

Jim.

Rule 2 -Re-write your Rulebook – Challenge it hourly!

I’ve had a number of my Rules challenged over the past few years and each challenge has led to a new step in my life or the life of my business. Challenging the Rulebook is the cornerstone of growth and development.

The “Rules” I am referring to, if you’ve not read Taming Tigers or been to a Taming Tigers Live Event, is the collection of assumptions (that seem so very real) that we make about ourselves, the world and how we can and cannot interact with the world that keeps us safe from harm. And safe from progress. It’s that thing that is being examined in every boardroom, sales team meeting, shared services team meeting and production line meeting across the world at present as we have to re-think and move from the status quo faster than ever in our history – or disappear. Of course some companies were examining it and challenging it a year ago as a matter of habit and good practice. They have a head start. As always.

Whether an individual’s Rules or a company’s collective Rules, they only exist in our heads. I had Rules in my head about who could become a jockey (and 35 year old, unfit, non-riding fat men like I was were not top of the list). Luckily my mentor Gee Armytage (see Rules 1 and 5 if you want to find a “Gee” of your own”) did not have those Rules so I was able to race. I had Rules about being Taming Tigers Group being unlikely able to find staff with certain skills and attitudes to take us forward. Luckily those around me did not share those Rules and we have hired the talent that we needed.

This week’s second video is about the challenging the Rulebook. Your Rulebook. Your family’s Rulebook. Your team’s Rulebook. Your boss’s Rulebook. Your children’s Rulebook, if they are losing confidence.

So MIND THE GAP between your Rulebook and the reality of what could be done. Of course, you may be most interested in challenging that Rule in the Rulebook that says who you are attractive enough to approach in the bar! But more of that in the video…

Enjoy!

Jim.

Rule 2 of the ten rules for Taming Tigers is this:

Re-write your Rulebook – challenge it hourly.

This is not a cry to anarchy or to leaving behind a moral conscience. It is a cry to challenge the assumptions, not to accept “the way things are done around here”, to challenge patterns of thinking, like the ones that say “I’m no good at talking to people so I don’t!” and so on…

So give yourself an early Christmas present today. Take a few minutes away from whatever is occupying you and go for a walk. Put your mind to really good use on a problem that you are wrestling with at home or at work and ask yourself – what are the assumptions that I am making here? What are the Rules that I – or the world – are applying here that are stopping me reaching a great solution? What do I have to let go of here in order to get more?

It must have been tough to challenge the Rulebook that said that the Lycos/Yahoo banner-ad search engine model was “the way that search engines are done around here”. But I bet Larry and Sergey are glad they gave it some thought.

Set yourself free – let go of something.

Over to you.

Go on. Take a hike!