the ten rules

I’ve never started a major business or sporting project believing 100% that I could be successful in it. Who does? A fool? A cheat? A fan of those self help books that advocate “creating” delusional and dangerous self belief/self confidence rather than earning it?

I hear that the X Factor has returned to our screens back in the UK. Autumn must be coming. Saturday evening is often an extended family evening in my world and so in the autumn an assortment of excited nieces, nephews, my daughter Mads, friends, dogs and so on always make sure we are sitting, opinions at the ready, watching the X Factor. There’s one part I don’t like. In the early stages those deluded souls who really believe that they have talent, wailing out a song in front of the judges and the camera – and the mocking nation.  They then give the judges that indignant, disbelieving stare and try to fight for their place, before exiting the room and breaking down in their their genuine disappointment and disbelief.

Who lets them get to that stage? How can people believe so wholeheartedly in something that cannot be believed in? More poor self-help books? Parents who can’t tell their children the truth?

I am always concerned that I am deluding myself at the start of a business or sporting project. But I think that there is a difference between the Tiger – saying “No way, forget that!” and our common sense saying “Really? are you sure?”. And I think that the difference is to be found in the intention behind the questions we ask ourselves. If the intention is to avoid the thing, albeit with an intellectually sound reason, then we are in Tiger territory. If the intention is, with a genuinely open mind, to carry out intelligent enquiry of ourselves and our challenge, to accurately assess the odds and to decide if we can accept the downside – and whether we desire the upside, before moving into new waters, then it is common sense at work and not the Tiger. 

This is not restricted to members of the public on the X Factor. I’ve heard it argued, for example, that those who ran Lehman Brothers and RBS had moved from “Tiger-battlers” to self-delusional. I know neither gentleman so cannot comment. It certainly applies to the decisions that you (and I) have made in the last year at work and at home and in our relationships.

Of course, the time for research and planning comes to an end, we take a view and we act, we commit. Thrilling. There is still, of course, a great deal that we can do to influence the outcome at this stage, it’s not over. Yet on one level it is. Once the commitment is there, it’s hard not to see it through (even though different paths than those planned may have to be taken). But the commitment is tinged with doubt until the thing is done. That is what keeps us battling our Tigers every day – keeps us innovating, caring, taking bold actions and making bold calls to scary people – the tension between the confident commitment to completion (self belief – the good self help books are correct that it plays a part) and doubt that it can be done (self doubt).

And of course, that is where the real battles are fought. Where the story of our lives is really written. In the silent, brutally honest, terrifying battles with our Tiger.

“I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
But Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah”
(Leonard Cohen – with thanks to Phil Joslin for highlighting them to me on a very miserable December day)

We are either a few days away from the end of this project or a few weeks, depending on what happens over this weekend. My deepest training dive so far has been to 95m and I am off to train again in around 2 hours. Enough for the UK record if I can repeat it under record conditions over the weekend – but not the target.  So the self doubt is still there and the demons continue to battle with the angels. It’s the first conversation in my head in the morning. It’s in my dreams during the night in bizarre forms. I have no idea if it can be done, but I believe it can.

I’ll leave you with a quote from David Remnick’s extraordinary biography of Muhammad Ali, “King of the World”. It gives me comfort that even the best – and seemingly most self-confident – have intelligent doubt but push through it.

Ali (then Cassius Clay)had been making a lot of noise about the ease with which he would win his first big bout, a meeting with the terrifying, proven and much heavier Champion, Sonny Liston. Nobody seemed to believe that Ali had a chance of lasting a couple of rounds. And even Ali had room for “maybe”. It wasn’t over til he left the ring as victor.

The day before the fight, in the privacy of a hotel room after a noisy weigh-in, a reporter had the courage to ask Ali, who was staring silently out of the window:

” “Cassius, all these things you’re saying about Liston, do you really mean them? Do you really think you’re going to beat this guy?

Ali replied: “I’m Christopher Columbus … I believe I’ll win. I’ve never been in there with him, but I believe the world is round and they all believe the world is flat. Maybe I’ll fall off the world at the horizon but I believe the world is round.”  ”

 Jim

Click on the image to view the Rule 4 video

Welcome to Sharm El Sheikh!

It is 12.36 and the temperature outside is around 35 degrees Celsius. I am inside. The temperature brings challenges. Sunburn and heatstroke are among them but not a concern to me. I only go into the sun during the day when I have to to travel. When I am in the water I wear a wetsuit with a hood and boots. My face is exposed but that is in the water from the start of the session til the finish. I breath through a snorkel, head down, or I am diving.

The heat makes you sleepy and slow. It’s not laziness or getting into a holiday vibe (I’m not in a holiday frame of mind at all). It’s the heat. A friend arrived from the UK on Saturday, went to bed at eleven that night and woke up at noon on Sunday wondering what hit her. Something about diving deep also makes you sleepy. On training days I am usually unable to stay up beyond 9pm and I wake up at 8 or 9am. It means that you can sit down to write a blog and discover with amazement that it is time to prepare lunch! I’ve been here for an hour and only written a couple of paragraphs. How can it be?

Dehydration is another risk from the heat. For example, I lose a couple of litres each night in sweat. I refuse to sleep with air conditioning on because of the effect of the dry air on my sinuses (and the resulting difficulty in equalising) so night time can be a very steamy affair – for all the wrong reasons. So by the time of writing this in the early afternoon I have drunk around 3 litres of water with rehydration salts. That will continue til bed time so my intake will be around 6 litres for the day and I buy the pharmacy’s stock of salts on each visit. He must think that I have the most incredible case of tummy trouble.

We keep training to the same time every day. We meet at 3pm and are in the water by 3.20. We warm up with three dives to complete a static breathold (a hang) whilst holding onto a rope at around 10m. On the first dive I cannot hold my breath beyond one minute thirty and my confidence always gets a knock. By the third dive I am comfortably over 3 minutes and feel self belief return. Then I’ll gently and very slowly swim down the line to 40m and back as a final warm up.

Feeling confident and at peace in the water, it’s time for the urgency and aggression of the sled. I’ll usually dive three times in a training session. Going to the deep, dark places that I am visiting every day, it is not wise to make too many trips for a number of reasons. You can store up problems. Each dive follows an identical, disciplined, pattern of preparation and each has a clear training purpose. Each one is analysed when I return to the surface. Time, sensations, technical features and how they were executed, equipment, etc. The third dive is the big dive of the day. But never so big that it is likely to fail and so far I have not failed a third dive. By “fail” the dive, I mean that we set the big goal of the day onto this dive. It will be the most testing. By now, pathetically, I am getting incredibly tired and I am dreaming two things – showering and getting out of my suit and the sticky drink. Yes – the big reward! A FANTA! And out here you can also get Blackcurrant Fanta. So I have a fridge full of both flavours back home. Just get the big dive right and you can go home for a Fanta!

The Rules protect me from the sun, protect my sinuses, protect me in the water, protect my brain and confidence from the big hit of taking on too much on the third dive and failing, make sure I am properly warmed up physically and mentally before going deep, ensure that my day has a routine so that my food intake and sleep can have an undisturbed routine. Oh – and there are Rules about food buying a preparation out here that keep your basic health in order. Those are very rigid. For example, there is no way that I would eat anything prepared in a restaurant during a trip out here to train – I just don’t want to risk three days out of the water and diminished strength for a week. I (or close friends) cook!

So Rule 9 is playing a massive part out here. But the part that it started to play began in January when I took on the challenge. It is strange looking back how the challenge shaped the Rule 9 Disciplines and Basics, these in turn shaped my lifestyle and this in turn has given me a shot at the record (only a shot at this stage, still no guarantees). For example, drinking, smoking, eating meat, drinking coffee or caffeinated drinks (OK – I probably fail on this about 4 times a week…) has been taboo. Diet has been pretty strict – but the challenge has not so much been of restriction but of making the time to buy and prepare healthy balanced meals – day in and day out. Daily breathing exercises and the daily practice of Kundalini Yoga have also been vital but incredibly difficult to fit in to a work and family schedule!

Whilst I have not hit my goal yet, signs are good and the journey has been incredible. I put that down to the following of Rule 9. The other Rules have all played their part. But Rule 9, I am beginning to conclude, may be the most important in effecting a major change. And a major change was required to get me even to the level that I am now diving to. And for all of us, success will be a “change”. We will need to move from A to B to create the success.

Of course, the Tiger stops us from taking on the disciplines and basics with a lot of Rule 2 excuses!

I won’t have the time to do them…
People will think I am odd if I…
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks…
I probably couldn’t make it anyway so there’s not a lot of point in putting myself through…
Life’s for enjoying and I couldn’t enjoy it without a pint or three!
Discipline is for the kids, I don’t think I need it at my age…

If the Tiger is, generally, protecting us from something – what could these Rule 2 Rules be protecting us from?

Well, you can answer for you. For me, my Rulebook was protecting me from:

You might not succeed – and you might fail publicly if you raise sponsorship in advance for SPARKS
It’ll take a lot of work and commitment – do you have the time and is it worth it? Especially if you fail?
It is scary to make a mistake at 100m
You will have to make time in your schedule to …
You will have to invest some money in flights and so on and turn down work whilst you are overseas – and there’s a recession on you know!
Others will tell you it cannot be done and be quick to knock the attempt

The question for you and for me is this: Is what the Rule is protecting me from worth more to me than the adventure of living my life?

If that makes you want to challenge the Rulebook, It’s some Rule 3 work followed by bringing those Disciplines and Basics into your life. Rule 9 again.

And to be honest, I have always really enjoyed the basics and disciplines and always felt really great as a result. Haven’t you?

Over to you!

Jim

Click on the image to view the Rule 9 video

I was given a reminder of an important lesson yesterday: If you perfect the process, you gain the freedom to focus on the main game, to create, to perform, to be intuitive. If you have to think about the process, you are always stuck at level 1, working out the basics, again, as you go.

Think of it like driving a car. You are free to use all of your attention and creativity to avoid a collision when the moment comes – but when you were a learner you would have used all of your attention to remember which pedal was for breaking with. It is there in Rule 9 of the Ten Rules. It was brought home to me again, breathlessly, yesterday. “Create disciplines, do the basics brilliantly.”

I have taken on a challenge this summer to raise funds for SPARKS, the children’s medical research charity. Taming Tigers have supported SPARKS since 2008 but this year, for personal reasons, it became even more important to do something to support them. The challenge involves freediving on a sled (like in the film “The Big Blue”). It is great fun, very challenging and pretty technical on various levels. Yesterday, the sled taught me a lesson: Make the process second nature before you try to perform at the next level.

I was training on a new sled which had just been built. Once at the maximum depth, before the ascent to the surface can begin, I have to shift my grip to the bar where my feet had been for a safe ride up. This is a new move that comes with this new sled. I had not perfected it. Having descended to a relatively shallow 30m, I inflated the balloon to take the sled and me to the surface – and let go of the thing in order to change my grip. It whooshed up to the air and light above – without me – before I secured my new grip. Not a big deal at 30m, just an unexpected swim back up. But a decidedly big deal at the depths we are aiming for.

There is always a simple procedure to follow to avoid problems. In rock climbing, you never let go of the rope when your buddy is climbing, you handle the rope hand over hand. In No Limits (sled) freediving, you never let go of the sled – you travel around it hand over hand. Of course, if you’re worried about remembering that , you cannot focus on the things you need to focus on. In fact if you’re “worried” about anything when you are freediving, you may as well give up. Adrenaline is not your friend down there.  So making the procedure second nature allows you to perform. Perhaps it is illuminating that the world’s greatest freediver, Herbert Nitsch, is a commercial airline pilot in his “spare” time. We all like to fly with pilots who follow the correct procedure and save the moments of creative genius for a crisis.

But this is not easy to do at work. It is not always apparent what the process is that you need to perfect.  If it is apparent, it may well be boring and repetitive to master it. It may be dull to work it out once and for all and manage the delegation of it in order for you to move on to play the main game with all of your attention. That is partly what differentiates a champion in my opinion. They take the time to identify the processes and then invest the time (and tedium) to perfect them – or delegate them properly. And so they create the space to perform. This is rarely sexy stuff, it is mundane, behind-the-scenes work, but it makes the difference. One of my sporting inspirations needed more sleep and relaxation time in his long and full day. He spent hours on the road each day. So he hired a driver and sacrificed the significant cost of that to perform at a higher level in the main game. Process delegated, time won back. Relaxation time acquired, game improved.

What are the processes that need tweaking for your organisation so that the business evolves into a performing, creative entity rather than a having to invent the basics from scratch every day. What are the processes and procedures  and tasks that you, personally, could perfect or delegate in order to become a more instinctive player of your main game. You will be rewarded for your effort in spades.

Over to you.

Jim.

PS – If you’re not sure what your main game is and how well you currently perform at it, don’t panic – but do take seriously and make urgent the task of discovering the answers.  We are not “employees” any more. We are all mini businesses. It is wise to know what business you are in – and strive to thrive at that.

One of the most rewarding things about writing a book is hearing from, and making friends with, strangers who get in touch after reading it. Stu Williams wrote to me in 2009 to tell me about what he had done with the Ten Rules for Taming Tigers and is now a friend. He wrote to me last week to ask if I would be interested in publishing a blog that he had written. The answer was “yes” and Stu’s message to you appears below. I found it inspiring and very moving.

Thanks Stu.

The Devil You Know?

One Monday morning recently, I caught myself daydreaming that I’d spent the whole weekend training under the guidance of a great Olympian and World Judo Champion, and getting to know both he and his Olympic Judo Silver Medallist wife a little bit; and I was struck by just how much it matters who you listen to while you write the story of your own life.

If I had a pound for every time I have been advised – sometimes with my best interests at heart, sometimes definitely without – not to try to run before I can walk, to be realistic, not to spread myself too thin etc. (you get the idea I’m sure) I’d spend most of my life at home in front of the tv with about two hundred pounds, and for some time that was about as good as it got, except I didn’t actually have the two hundred pounds.

But about eighteen months ago I happened upon a book called Taming Tigers. I read it with increasing amazement. Read it again, thinking, Well that’s really great, for him, I guess – and then a strange thing started to happen. I found myself compelled to begin putting the principles it contained into practice in my own life, sometimes with spectacular results, sometimes with little ones, but always with a new feeling of satisfaction that I was at last beginning to truly live.

And here’s the rub: the weekend I described daydreaming about actually happened. I stumbled on the training event on the internet shortly before it was due to take place, and thought the chance to mix with people of that calibre was too good an opportunity to miss out on. I sent some e-mails, made some phone calls, and went along – I mean, why wouldn’t you?

And I know what you’re thinking, that it’s OK for superfit Judoka like me to go along to these things, but that in the real world things aren’t so easy, and maybe you have a point. Except that for Tiger Tamers things go a little differently.

At the time I discovered the event online (quite by chance) I’d never done any Judo. And the event was two hundred and fifty miles away from home. And I couldn’t spare the time from work. And I couldn’t afford a hotel. And my partner needed the car that weekend. And it was too little notice. And I was 48. And bald. Still am.

I didn’t have a British Judo Association licence. Or even Judo pyjmas. So it couldn’t be done. Obviously.

But I’d read Taming Tigers. So I knew otherwise. And had one of the best experiences of my life so far. Obviously.

Check out the The Rules, from One right the way through to Ten. I had to use them all on this occasion, and this was not an isolated event in the life I now live – a far cry from the insecure, sleepless, under-achieving cigarette and alcohol craving body I inhabited eighteen months ago.

You might be thinking about now that a five hundred mile round-trip on a thirty year old motorbike to be tripped up, pushed over, strangled, choked, and flung to the ground repeatedly is not really your cup of tea, and that’s ok, I fully understand. But the really good news is that this is part of my story not yours; and that the delicious hot beverage of your own choice is simply a decision and some actions away. You could start with rules One and Two, which are my current favourites, especially helpful when someone with a vested interest in your continuing mediocrity counsels that the grass isn’t always greener, or, that the devil you already know is a better bet. My own experience has been that of fresher, sweeter grass; and escape from a devil who seemed set to kill me with boredom and frustration.

When you get to spend time with motivated successful people you come away with the powerful realisation that they find nothing surprising in you wanting to live the best life possible. They’re already doing it, and are generally very open to the idea of helping you to as well. When a great champion looks you in the eye and tells you you did well today it’s not easy to remember the advice about knowing your place, or discretion being the better part of valour. Or to keep the tears back.

Ladies and gentlemen, Tiger Tamers everywhere, I give you the entirely awesome and gracious Neil and Niki Adams – brought to me and you by way of the impressively effective Tiger Taming principles laid out by Jim Lawless. All we have to do is apply them, and trust ourselves to know what’s best for us; and as hard as I try I cannot think of a single statue or monument put up to the glory of someone who urged caution, but I’m willing to be corrected. If you know differently give me a call and show me where it is.

We can tear it down together.

Stu.

When you are standing in front of a room presenting, what are you really trying to do? Most presentations I see re-enforce the presenter’s position as a Stepford Wife Manager rather than as a leader.

Most people are, really, trying to survive – to get it over with without major damage to themselves or the project. Some are trying to enhance their image – “make” people see a certain aspect of themselves that they wish to portray. Some people, however, are there to create a powerful shift in emotion and comprehension in the audience backed up with a call to action. We react to them. We are glad of them. We know that we need them.

The problem with the first two approaches is that they are internally focused. It’s all about you. If your mind is on “you” when you are presenting – you lose. Don’t misunderstand: yes, you have outcomes that you are seeking and they are important. It’s just that you cannot achieve them if, in the room, your mind is on you and how you are doing – surviving, impressing, etc. These things come to the third type of presenter as a natural by-product of creating that shift in the audience.

Here are some thoughts to get your juices flowing:

• Why are you presenting today? How are you moving the world forward?

• How would your presentation – preparation and delivery – alter if your main goal was to create an emotional shift in the audience, an “aha” moment, a desire to interact with you and ask questions, a desire to act to support your aims?

• No professional presenter starts her preparation for the big day by firing up PowerPoint – even if she intends to use slides in the presentation. Do you?

• When you are standing up there, is your brain fearful about what the reaction will be or whether you will be better than last time? Or are you focused on your message and communicating, in that moment, with other human beings? (the other thoughts are important in the preparation, but dangerous during the presentation)

• If it is a new and contentious message that you are delivering – do you really want to test it out live on an important audience for the first time without taking soundings and winning allies?

• Review your last presentation. If it was an “information download”, why did you present it rather than sending an email (“I was told to” doesn’t count – at your level of seniority, you can do “what you’re told” whilst taking control of the outcome and content). Is presenting the right medium for relaying information to people – unless that information is included merely to back up the creation of emotion and a call to engagement and action?

• How do you feel when you are ”we’ve been good” dry facts (the “I’m a good girl, I know my stuff and have prepared – so you can’t get me today!” presentation style). Do you do that to others or do you act boldly and stand apart from the herd, as a leader must?

• Can you see the Tiger at work in every one of the questions asked above, driving you away from the your courageous self, stopping you speaking your truth and pushing you back into your box? Can you see the Tiger at work when your colleagues present. Are you content with that?

Remember the leadership Rules – 4, 5 and 6. A presenter who does not take leadership of the room is not a presenter. She is choosing instead merely to put herself forward as a candidate for the job she already has.

Over to you,

Jim.

Click on the image to view the Rule 4 video.

Click on the image to view the Rule 5 video.

Click on the image to view the Rule 6 video.

I disagree.

Let’s be honest. There are only I’s in team. It’s a group of unique people, isn’t it?

The 21st Century corporate concept of a team of people working together to create something profitable has not managed to do what it may take committed yogis several incarnations to achieve – the defeat of the ego.

Once we’re honest about this, we can get to work on creating a brilliant and cohesive group, committed to success and to each other. And I can get to work on bringing the best “I” that I can into the group. Whether that group is family, work, community or sports based.

Let’s respect the “I”s and their different personalities and personal agendas, let’s let the “I”s discover and create very good reasons to bring their whole selves to the group, let’s involve the “I”s so that they are a part of shaping the group and its aims and the way it works and the plan of action to achieve success – let’s let the “I”s co-own it.

If we fail to do that, we may find that there really are no “I”s in our team –and then there can be no “we” in there either.

Over to you…

Jim.

OK, so you’re sitting in front of the doctor. He has a grave face. He tells you the news – good and bad. The bad news is very bad. The good news is that if you change some part of your lifestyle today – you’ll be fine!

So you change it. Today. Easy! What a lucky escape. You’re very grateful to the universe for that one. The change is easy.

OK, so you’re sitting in front of the mirror thinking about the change that you desperately want to make. Then you write a little plan. Maybe buy a book? Chat it over with friends. How long will the process take? A week? A year? A decade?

Why don’t you just do it?

Creating change for ourselves does not take a long time. What takes a long time is committing. Really taking the decision. That’s one of the things that Rule 1 is there to do – to help us get to the decision buy interrupting the patterns and maybe also bringing other people into the equation.

If you are hungry to make a change that you believe will make you happier, healthier or move you forward. Today is a good day for it. Now do the bold action that you think will take you most directly before the Tiger gets involved again.

Exciting, eh?

Over to you.

Jim.

Oh yes they are.

Whether “they” are having a whine at the water cooler, marking time until pay day faithfully comes around again, fiddling their timesheets or working heart and soul to push the cause forward, they are strongly motivated to do it.

The real question is whether or not they are motivated to do what you need them to be doing.

External motivation can only be done by carrot and stick. Carrot and stick – buying and punishing people – is gone now. It hasn’t gone because it isn’t pleasant. It’s gone because it is too complex to do in the 21st Century ideas economy, and too time consuming. “Motivating” people is now all about helping people find their own motivation. Self motivation. And how do we create that alchemy in 5 or 5,000 people? Inspiration.

If you manage people in the 21st Century ideas economy, you are in the inspiration business. That’s the day job. Facilitating the creation of desire in people to want to perform and growing the self-belief and self confidence to think that they can do it successfully.

That’s a legacy. That’s an honour. That’s a craft worthy of study and perfection.

Jim.

Click on the image to view the Rule 4 video.

So do I. We all do. Partly because they trained us at school/college/university for 12-20 years to get it right or be publically criticised/denied the qualification. Partly because in our early careers we had to deliver exactly what the boss wanted or be publically criticised/denied the promotion. We are taught that getting it wrong has consequences that we should fear and avoid.

Then one day we arrive in a position when we not only have to get it right, we also have to decide what “right” is. IN fact, “right” will only be defined in hindsight! Now it is about setting goals and strategy, choosing how to lead our people, designing a stunning kettle, deciding whether to invest in the shift to shooting in Hi Def or 3D or selling a new drug to a nervous doctor.  this is no longer about repeating what others taught us or about performing a task as specified.

Now the Tiger enters the equation with teeth bared. Some careers stop here. Others start here. The difference is rarely whether they actually “got it right”. The difference is whether they “got it” at all.

Now there is no “right”. There are infinite possible routes and many variables we cannot control. There is emotion, passion, vision, data, advice, criticism and self-doubt but there is no certainty. Eventually we make a decision and act. Or we don’t (putting it to a committee to dilute all passion and share the risk of failure doesn’t count).

When you are ready and have done the best planning you can, move out of research mode and into warrior. Act decisively and intend to win, not to get it right.

Over to you,

Jim

Click on the image to view the Rule 1 video